I want a puppy. I've wanted a puppy for so long! I want a beagle just so I can name it Snoopy. Ever since I was little, I've wanted my Snoopy. I've never even had a real pet. I'm so fucking pathetic. What the hell is wrong with my life!

I mean, I've had pets before, but they weren't "real" pets. I mean, yeah, they were real, as in alive and breathing, but not typical pets.

I've had fish. Whoop-de-fucking-doo! The most exciting thing about the fish was scooping them up from the tank to flush them down the toilet when they kicked the bucket!

Second pet. A turtle. A turtle I never picked up. I didn't even want it! The tank always smelled like shit, and it did nothing but climb up and down the rock all day, and swim. And sleep. And shit. God that little bugger's shit stunk up the whole living room area. It's amazing how something so small could stink up a whole room.

I named my turtle Valentino. What the fuck was I thinking? Well, I got it around Valentine's Day and was like, Valentino! But mind you, I was a little tyke back then! Then we found out a month later it was a girl, so we had to go to court, legally change HER name, and finally, she became Valentina! Ta daaaa!!

Ass. Never touched the little fucker because everytime I tried to pick it up, he-I mean, SHE-would try to bite me! Ass turtle!! Good thing I was little and don't have the mind I have now, or I woulda picked the turtle up, (turtle bite be damned!) and chucked it across the room at the sliding glass door. Mother Fucker!!

Actually, I wouldn't really do that. Just sorta got carried away in the moment. But what I really wish I coulda done, was get me some Ooze, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles style, and smother Valentina with it, so I could talk to her on a Human-Turtle level, and then she could kick ass for me. Boo-yah!

Ka-POW!

(And especially for Mandabra) Sha-ZAAM!!

Don't ask. Inside joke, so back off biatch! Before I go Puerto Rican on your ass!! Pendejos....

Kidding!! :) You know I love all of my pendejo diaryland readers!!

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my music:

high + fidelity